Thankful

I am so thankful this year. Loc makes me so happy and really tries everything to make me happy. I love him. I am so touched he came over for thanksgiving and really tried to get my mom out of her shell. I am so in love with him.

Thinking Like Pooh

I just read my positivity blog email and it reminds me to think a bit more like Pooh, and not like a piglet. Right now, I am like a piglet. I look for challenges and seem brave, but I am so negative and self-doubtful. I need to appreciate the little things in life so I will start tonight by listing out 5 things in my life that I appreciate =)

The 5 things I am grateful are...

1. a loving family

2. having a bf who loves me for me =)

3. a school that has supportive coworkers

4. having money in my savings

5. Living in a clean apartment

Besides appreciating things, I need to find some time to do NOTHING.

I need to keep conversations positive and simple.

Be proactive and take the lead.

So on October 1st, I finally met Loc's parents, and I am so happy I finally did. I love them. They are such a cute couple. And I was so scared for nothing. =)

A Few Worries

In the last entry, I talked about how I am so in love. Indeed I am. I love this dude so much I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He makes me happy.

However, what worries me is his financial situation. It has been becoming more apparent. This year has been a rough year for him financially. He has been on and off jobs so much this year and has debt from his last startup, that he had to borrow money from me. There were periods where he did not pay 2 months rent and could have been evicted from his apartment. I don't know how he has kept his sanity through this. Life has been tough, and he is still out of the trenches yet.

Now his financial situation cuts into our future. I know he really loves me and I really love him. I want to get engaged, married, and have children really soon. I mean really soon, but his financial situation is not helping him. He can't even support himself now. Sigh. I don't know how much longer I can wait. I'm getting anxious, and my parents are getting anxious too.

I was supposed to meet his parents in June, but due to money not panning out my meeting with them has been postponed. He postponed it to August, but now it's postponed again. He got laid off from his job again and starting another one...

Vietnam

I just went on a trip to Vietnam with my dad. It was a good experience. 3 weeks. long, but worthwhile. I finally had some quality time with my dad.

Love...so exciting and new. =)

Oh my it has been almost a year, and so much has changed. I am so happy despite some things. Things are really going places. My most recent change is that this fall, I have a fresh start at a new school. Now onto the biggest change....dun dun dun...I am in love. I am so in love. In the last entry I wrote almost a year ago, I was meeting new people, and I fell in love with one of them. I never thought it could happen, but it did. I fell head over heels for the Vietnamese guy, and the past 9 months have been amazing! Thinking of him puts an automatic smile on my face. He makes me so happy. I love everything about him. He is funny, ambitious, hardworking, loves eating and cooking, family oriented, good-hearted, adventurous, thoughtful, romantic...I couldn't ask for any better guy. I am sooooooo in love with him.

Recap of Summer

Things with Danny really fizzled out. I just had enough of him, and gained the strength to cut ties with him at the end of April. Being single since then has been so hard. As I watch HGTV, and see couples buying their first homes and see couples out walking around the city, I get a bit jealous. I want that. I want someone to love and I want that exhilarating feeling of love. I want someone that makes me happy and feel like I am floating on cloud 9. I want to move to that next stage of marriage and sharing a life with someone.

So when summer started, I was anxious to get out and do things in the city. I know I have to put myself out there more. I need to meet more people. I need to be courageous and "unjudging".

However, summer started off slow. After school was over, I had to deal with moving my stuff out and putting my stuff in storage because I did not have a place to live yet. I stayed at my friend Danielle's and then went home for a week, and then came back to live at Danielle's. Living at Danielle's was boring. I felt trapped because she was in Jersey and I had to rely on her to get to NYC.

After all the trouble and hardships at the beginning of July, the end of July and the month of August have been great! I finally feel like I'm living. I'm finally meeting new people. I joined some meetups and actually went to the events.

The first dude of the summer is a French chef at a 4 star restaurant in NYC. He is Chinese, a bit squinty eyed and not that tall. He loves to eat and cook food. I could talk about food with him for a long time. I am awaiting for him to cook for me. He is a year younger and does not seem that mature intellectually. He seems to be only into food. It will be interesting to meet him and go out.

2nd dude that I have started talking to is a Vietnamese dude whom I met at the Viet meetup. He is a fashion designer. I believe he is french descent. He looks very much like Brian, but taller. He seems like a major risktaker and go getter. I like that he seems ambitious. He likes to eat too, and we can eat durian together. He seems fun. My one apprehension is that he can be intimidating.

3rd dude I just met last nite. Thinking about him, makes me smile, yet at the same time scared. He is African American, particularly West Indian. He is rather good looking and clean cut. I have an attraction towards him, but I feel like what I am feeling is lust or I feel exhilerated because he's different. I never dated a non-Asian. A non-Asian had never expressed interest in me, and he really likes me and thinks I am beautiful. It will probably not work out because I don't think we could connect intellectually. The next few weeks will probably be fun.

What I want in a Guy

What I Look for in a Guy

• Compatibility in Money Spending
• Well-educated
• Hardworking and Ambitious
  
• Dresses well (button up shirts, nice shoes, clean cut, sweater vests)
• Clean
  
• Enjoys cooking with me
• Cooks
• Fun
• Good Sense of Humor
• Integrity
• Loyal
• Generous
• Hardworking
  
• Attentive
• Thoughtful
• Likes a variety of food
• Easy going
  

What makes me SWOON

Guy...

• slowly undresses me and kisses me from neck down
• buying me a bouquet of mix flowers out of the blue
• cooks dinner and can look up recipes and cook gourmet meals
  
• is clean cut. He worries about what he wears with me
• who reads and has conversations about what he reads with me
• who is organized and tidy
• kisses on the forehead
  

Future Teaching Thoughts

YEsterday was the first day of open market. Unfortunately, I did not find any schools in my search. However, I am not too worried yet. It's still early. I am looking for a new job. My job is not too bad, but I could do better. I imagine my life better than this. I would be happy teaching elementary school, but if I must, I would be willing to teach middle school science again.

I've been thinking a lot about the future or how I would deal with new kids. The idea of starting off fresh with new kids thrills me. One thing, I hate about my current situation is that I loop with my kids. My mistakes continually stay with me.

Before I forget, I want to share that my first week of school with middle school students must be different. I will approach it differently. I need to warn students how miserable their lives would be if they don't cooperate. Tell them that I will call all the time, not call and one day call, or even make home visits. I would have the kids take a true or false test the 2nd day over my introduction, have the kids take another test on directions the third day, and have another test over prior knowledge on the fourth day. I need to scare these kids.

Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. -Norman Macewan

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. -unknown

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Right now, I am trying my best to look beyond the imperfections in my life. I am finally becoming thankful for what I have. Life is good.

I have a loving boyfriend. All the gripes I had about him can be changed through time. The most important part is that he cares for me. I definitely know he cares for me. He isn't perfect, but he is good for me right now. There is no need to worry about how he is years from now. All I know is that today, he is right behind me.

I have a loving and healthy family. They are not poor. They have shelter and are in good health. They are okay without me and are getting by happily.

I am thankful I have a job. I have kids that make me frustrated, but for the most part, I love them. They of course will always judge and think I am their enemy, but that is a-okay with me.

I am thankful my health is good. I do not have any major illnesses.

I am thankful that I have a few people I can count on. I at least have people I can count on and claim as friends. I am thankful that they think of me.

Before this, I had stressed myself out so much because of my own thoughts. All the stress I created on myself was unnecessary. I hope I don't fall in this black hole again. I have awakened again, and I am refreshed. I am all smiles now before bed. Gnite.

Life has been stressful. I found out on Wednesday that I need to find a new job on Wednesday. This weekend was memorial weekend and I had been waiting for this weekend since forever. I wanted to catch up on work and relax, but what i did was so far from that. I worked on my resume for the most part of this weekend and I also went out a lot.

Job hunting is stressful because I feel like I have nothing to show that I am a good teacher. Right now, I don't think I am a good teacher either. I think i'm a horrible teacher.

I feel like falling off a cliff right now.

My ideal guy is a guy who knows a lot about stuff. He is someone I can feel comfortable being myself. I can talk to him about everything. He is not intimidating. A person who is fun and loves to eat and try new things.

FAIRNESS

"As they say in "The Princess Bride" "Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death"

Many people can't seem to understand that - or at least they misinterpret - the idea of "fairness." "Fair" doesn't mean that EVERYONE makes the team or that everyone is good at one certain thing. "Fair" only means that everyone is given a chance - NOT that they will succeed. Fair implies that, while you will not beat someone at one particular thing, you probably will be better than the other person at something altogether different. Fairness does NOT mean that everyone is equal - Fairness just means that there is an opportunity.

Yep, "Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death"

It felt so good to stay in this weekend. It has been awhile since I've done this. I think I have not done this ever since the new year began. I love waking up naturally at 6 or 7am to the sunrise. It's an amazing feeling. I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the afternoon.

It also feels good to be in pajamas again for long periods of time. It feels good to lounge. =) I love it!

Lost control of the steering wheel

So I've seem to have lost control of the steering wheel of my life again. Things at school are not becoming better. I still can't connect with the kids and the kids still don't like me. I still am horrible at planning, and not as efficient. There's 2.5 months left of school, and I don't know if I am going to survive even though time flies by.

All my life, I think I've failed because success to me is being able to turn whatever you have into a positive thing, and throughout life, I have been having trouble with this. All through life, I am attracted to difficulty.

People say extroverted people are happy people. It's not because they are outgoing, it's because they are in general positive people. They see the silver lining in everything. I wish I was an extrovert instead of an introvert. Introverts I guess are negative people. That's me. I see the worst in things and being hopeful is difficult. I often wallow a lot and then pick myself up again.

I'm lucky

I can do what I want. I have freedom. I can read. I can write. I cannot waste any opportunity. Wisdom is not something out there. It is in here.

He frickin booty called me last nite after not really chatting or talking to me for the past 2 weeks.

Finding a significant other that you love and enjoy to be with AND can also please your parents seems like a challenge. Is it possible? I've been talking to Cec, and I feel sorry for her. It's a shame that her family can't be happy with the person that makes her happy.

I came back to teach after taking two days for PD. The kids missed me. The room was a mess.

I'm starting new units for each, and I'm lost.

I reconnected w/Cec today! She's back to civilization. She met a guy. She's thinking of getting married soon. She found her life partner. wow!