Future Teaching Thoughts

YEsterday was the first day of open market. Unfortunately, I did not find any schools in my search. However, I am not too worried yet. It's still early. I am looking for a new job. My job is not too bad, but I could do better. I imagine my life better than this. I would be happy teaching elementary school, but if I must, I would be willing to teach middle school science again.

I've been thinking a lot about the future or how I would deal with new kids. The idea of starting off fresh with new kids thrills me. One thing, I hate about my current situation is that I loop with my kids. My mistakes continually stay with me.

Before I forget, I want to share that my first week of school with middle school students must be different. I will approach it differently. I need to warn students how miserable their lives would be if they don't cooperate. Tell them that I will call all the time, not call and one day call, or even make home visits. I would have the kids take a true or false test the 2nd day over my introduction, have the kids take another test on directions the third day, and have another test over prior knowledge on the fourth day. I need to scare these kids.

Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. -Norman Macewan

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. -unknown

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Right now, I am trying my best to look beyond the imperfections in my life. I am finally becoming thankful for what I have. Life is good.

I have a loving boyfriend. All the gripes I had about him can be changed through time. The most important part is that he cares for me. I definitely know he cares for me. He isn't perfect, but he is good for me right now. There is no need to worry about how he is years from now. All I know is that today, he is right behind me.

I have a loving and healthy family. They are not poor. They have shelter and are in good health. They are okay without me and are getting by happily.

I am thankful I have a job. I have kids that make me frustrated, but for the most part, I love them. They of course will always judge and think I am their enemy, but that is a-okay with me.

I am thankful my health is good. I do not have any major illnesses.

I am thankful that I have a few people I can count on. I at least have people I can count on and claim as friends. I am thankful that they think of me.

Before this, I had stressed myself out so much because of my own thoughts. All the stress I created on myself was unnecessary. I hope I don't fall in this black hole again. I have awakened again, and I am refreshed. I am all smiles now before bed. Gnite.

Life has been stressful. I found out on Wednesday that I need to find a new job on Wednesday. This weekend was memorial weekend and I had been waiting for this weekend since forever. I wanted to catch up on work and relax, but what i did was so far from that. I worked on my resume for the most part of this weekend and I also went out a lot.

Job hunting is stressful because I feel like I have nothing to show that I am a good teacher. Right now, I don't think I am a good teacher either. I think i'm a horrible teacher.

I feel like falling off a cliff right now.

My ideal guy is a guy who knows a lot about stuff. He is someone I can feel comfortable being myself. I can talk to him about everything. He is not intimidating. A person who is fun and loves to eat and try new things.

FAIRNESS

"As they say in "The Princess Bride" "Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death"

Many people can't seem to understand that - or at least they misinterpret - the idea of "fairness." "Fair" doesn't mean that EVERYONE makes the team or that everyone is good at one certain thing. "Fair" only means that everyone is given a chance - NOT that they will succeed. Fair implies that, while you will not beat someone at one particular thing, you probably will be better than the other person at something altogether different. Fairness does NOT mean that everyone is equal - Fairness just means that there is an opportunity.

Yep, "Life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death"

It felt so good to stay in this weekend. It has been awhile since I've done this. I think I have not done this ever since the new year began. I love waking up naturally at 6 or 7am to the sunrise. It's an amazing feeling. I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the afternoon.

It also feels good to be in pajamas again for long periods of time. It feels good to lounge. =) I love it!

Lost control of the steering wheel

So I've seem to have lost control of the steering wheel of my life again. Things at school are not becoming better. I still can't connect with the kids and the kids still don't like me. I still am horrible at planning, and not as efficient. There's 2.5 months left of school, and I don't know if I am going to survive even though time flies by.

All my life, I think I've failed because success to me is being able to turn whatever you have into a positive thing, and throughout life, I have been having trouble with this. All through life, I am attracted to difficulty.

People say extroverted people are happy people. It's not because they are outgoing, it's because they are in general positive people. They see the silver lining in everything. I wish I was an extrovert instead of an introvert. Introverts I guess are negative people. That's me. I see the worst in things and being hopeful is difficult. I often wallow a lot and then pick myself up again.